i should have known i was in for an adventure as soon as i heard Randy was going. i arrived at Craig's house about a half hour behind a rushed schedule, only for randy to be half an hour behind me. after randy's arrival the three of us attempted to hook craig's pop-up on randy's blazer. little did we know...

randy cranked on his bike rack's locking mechanism harder than he has ever cranked on himself he claims. whether or not that is true, he had that thing mangled beyond functionality in short order. but his rack would not come out of his hitch. craig and i proceeded to beat on it harder than randy has ever beat on himself he claims. i'd agree with that as craig nearly went deaf under the truck from me pounding on that damn hitch. even with randy lubing it even more than - you get the idea. no amount of lube helped; the damn rack was not leaving that hitch. we destoyed the locking mechanism in about 3 different ways before randy got perturbed and decided he'd wrap a chain around it and attach the other end to craig's truck.

randy gassed it as i manned the chain. craig was applying the brake on his truck as the suspension on both vehicles started to compress. no luck though. randy tried again with the chain wrapped lower on the rack, but still the only thing that moved were the vehicles' suspensions. finally randy got fed up and floored the blazer while craig hopped one-footed along the ground trying to keep the brakes on as randy's leadfoot drug craig's truck about 5 feet though the driveway. in the end the bike rack of staunch misery gave way and we finally got the pop-up on and the bikes in the ranger.

on the road we stopped at wendy's on the way for some old-fashioned burgers and some old-fashioned goofing around. somehow i managed to fit my entire body into the little kids fisher price table. i guess fisher price tables aren't meant for 150 pound children, because my food kept sliding toward me like i was underway again. that table was about to fall over on me and even the old couple eating nearby lauged with us.

once we managed to get to the festival, we were greeted warmly and sapped of our cash. for those of the populance who drink beer, they were quickly over that, but for a non-alcoholic, it seemed a bit steep. we ran into several people we knew, mostly LHORBA members and Kieth Whitcomb, president of the Rattling Creek Singletrackers. i got a little lost at this point, but after some good old central pennsylvania inbreeding surfaced in my blood, i tackled the mudbogs that were the roads and found randy and craig waiting in the much cleaner blazer. we were a bit late for the night right due to our fiasco with randy's rack. i loaned my lights to keith and we began setting up camp. let me say this was a breeze. craig had that pop-up set up and was headed for the beer in about 10 minutes. randy was right behind him. we ran into people from all over at the beer trailer. maryland, ohio, new york, they were all there. even an old guy from michigan showed up, and put craig in his place.

beer and b.s. flowed freely for most of the night as randy typically remarked on the women. he did have a point though, the festival was remarkably well attended by women riders. soon enough we retired to the insanely early fate of the 8:30 AM intermediate epic.

as most of you can guess, morning dawned much to early for my liking and ron is not a particularly pleasant sight to wake to. we hastily gathered our assorted pads, helmets, bikes and bagels then met for the group ride. showing up a little pontzer-like we found a good number of other people we knew; members of LHORBA and RCST. our ride was brutally technical, though i have to say we all loved it. tigger felt right at home and i wished i were healthy. ron rolled up to every intersection looking like a purple people eater, but he insisted he was fine. randy bailed with bike problems, but the rest of us stuck it out and rolled, bounced and fell our way through roughly 20 miles of trail. we were beat when we returned at approximately 1:00. we showered, reunited with randy and said hello to the ancient one, who in the interest of family history was looking for his brother's fossilized bones along the trail.

let me say that i loved the riding at the event, and am planning on returning when i am healthy. the trails were tough and technical with little elevation to speak of. the whole place had a little bit of north shore feel to it, with the slick rocks and roots. in one place the trail led between two immense boulders 15 or 20 feet tall. the trail threaded the maybe 3 foot gap between them for a hundred feet or more. it was an entirely great feeling. all manner of natural obstacles exist in the trail system at forbes and it made for 20 miles or so of truly enthralled riding.

we all grabbed more beer, i believe i was the only exception to this rule all weekend, and headed off to school. the IMBA/Subaru Trail Care Crew made a stop in the Laurel Highlands and held a trailbuilding school at the festival. some 2 dozen people attended and instantly fell in love with Aaryn. all i have to say is scott better walk the straight and narrow, or every man under the sun will try and elbow in. i made an honorary soapbox appearence and wondered why there were roughly 200 people attending the event and only twentysome attending the school. once i was calmed down, a great deal in part to the redhead who came in late, scott and aaryn presented a course on trialbuilding that included design, layout, construction and maintenece. and of course, beer. they answered any questions asked and provided as much information as they could.

after the IMBA school, we once again headed to the beer trailer. the first annual huffy toss was next on the agenda, so we wondered over to the ring, or court, or field, or whatever surface this sport is played on. i didn't partake, because i think you had to be drinking to be allowed to enter. turns out that the huffy was really a giant and a marin for the ladies. several notable hucks and a great many ridicule-filled shrieks of "foul!" from the judges and the contest was in the finals. it seemed that luck was the ticket as most everyone got the bike to bounce or tumble to their furthest point. everyone but craig and ron. my two carnival comrades hucked the huffy an astonishing 30 feet in the air with no bounce. craig placed sixth and ron fifth, beating tigger by a mere inch. randy swears they've both got him beat by several inches, but we won't go there.

the top five moved on and ron improved on his distance slightly - good enough for third place, but both the first two finishers had lady luck with them. randy sweet-talked some lady into trying the event and she placed third in the women's category, but every guy in the place was wearing that stupid puppy dog grin when aaryn won first place. they awarded prizes and mistakenly rewarded ron with the first place prize of a new manitou xvert super from speedgoat. a minute later they realized their mistake, and demanded it back, but by that time i was trying to hide it under my shirt and make my way to the camper.

we surrended our booty and pouted our way to the log pull with fingers in our ears to block the growling stomachs. then we ran into the sharer family including mike and his lovely wife beth, whom i hear hung with the big dogs for the entire ride. they somehow missed the downpour that soaked us at the lodge, and enjoyed a great ride. once the pig arrived, we all forsook the log pull in favor of the state trooper on a stick. i swear the caterer rode a harley in by the look of him, but there was no way to fit that piggy in a side car, so maybe not.

i was sorely disappointed by the pork. they didn't issue any sunblock to this particular officer and as a result the meat was very dry; at least there was enough to fill you up. in the middle of dinner, michelle (whom everyone would have fallen in love with were aaryn not there) announced that someone had posted a challenge to everyone in the log pull contest. not to be outdone, craig quickly devoured his food and answered the call. a while later, amidst the dark craig was rewarded for his efforts with a second place in the log pull. he was bested by that old guy from michigan.

festivities continued and we hung around for a while as everyone got tipsy on the free beer. randy became louder and louder, and kieth was right there beside him just as loud. the band came on and randy got hit with some shwag. craig, being slightly less drunk picked it up and added it to his total. he won a pump in the drawing as well. the music continued, but i retired to the hammock and passed out.

morning came again and i was lucky enough to sleep in. the previous night we ran into mike mucker and it seems the alcohol made us think we could hang with his group. randy and ron got suckered into guiding the beginner ride for the morning, but craig and i both rethought our decision to commit lemming-like suicide in mike's group. instead we took an earlier ride, with the lame excuse that we'd be able to leave earlier. i think mike saw right through it. we ended up riding with kieth and mike's wife Brenda, and she proved more than enough mucker legacy in herself. she was riding in an ankle brace that barely stretched around her leg. it was 2 or 3 times as big as it should have been. most people thought i was nuts to be riding on my foot, but brenda made me feel like a whining baby.

craig and i were all about this ride, just like we're all about lunch at hooters with randy. neither of us knew how long we'd be able to hang, but we stuck it out to the end, when brian and brenda decided to do a little extra. the woman is incredible. the riding also proved to be incredible, craig and i tried a lot of things and even made a few, craig notably more than i. the rains had made everything treacherously slick, but that didn't stop me from my typically stupid actions. thankfully the locals were willing to spot me anytime i played dumb. again, i thought of how good the riding was, a technical paradise of rocks and roots.

craig and i returned and showered, all the while we rode back we discussed the certainty that there was a pizza somewhere in that county with our names on it in pepperoni. we returned to the parking lot and talked with chris from speedgoat, and i picked up a gift for adam. midway through our shower, randy showed up bearing the greatest of gifts: pizza! truly i think it was cardboard with yellow construction paper on the top, but it tasted like heaven to us. ravenous devourment led us to ignore the IMBA trailbuiding session and pack up to leave. on the way out guilt cought up with us and we made a visit to the trail, where we once again adored aaryn. seems we showed up just as they were finishing. great timing or what?!

we took just about every back road and county route on the way back. randy claimed it saved us time, but i think it was because of that pontiac he tried to tailwhip with the pop-up. we went our seperate ways at craig's house and i seriously wanted to take a nap more than anything save a redhead. i was beat, totally spent, but it felt good. i know i'll go back if they host it again next year. for a first time event it was simply incredible. michelle was overwhelmed, but once she calms down, she'll start ironing out the details to make next year even better. personally i can't wait.